Have you ever been told you are TOO MUCH?

I worked in the corporate world for close to 20 years. Of the many managers and supervisors I had during that time, most of them (with maybe 2 or 3 exceptions) pulled me into a meeting room at some point to tell me some version of “You are too much”.

I was told that my laugh was too loud and it was disturbing my colleagues.

I was told my enthusiasm was appreciated, but I should tone it down.

I was told to behave in a more “professional” way.

2016 was what I refer to as my “Perfect storm” year.

1. My dad was diagnosed as palliative with liver cancer

2. I was being harassed at my corporate job

3. I knew I needed to end my relationship with the father of my children

I was filled with so much doubt and fear - I was reactive and emotional. Definitely not the best version of myself.

I was wracked with worry - how could I say goodbye to my dad - he was my safe person, my sounding board, my true north. How could I possibly go on when he leaves this earth???

I can’t even explain my work situation, it seems so trivial now that I look back on it. What I learned is that it is critical for me to surround myself with people who share my values. This workplace did not prioritize integrity and it was emotionally devastating to me.

I had already been divorced and the thought of another “failed” relationship froze me in place. I had wanted to be a mom my whole life and the thought of choosing to be a part time parent felt so wrong. I realized that if my daughter was in a relationship like mine, I would tell her to leave and that is when I realized I couldn't stay anymore.

After getting separated, I started to believe what people told me. I started to believe I really am TOO MUCH. I felt like I was too big for this world, that I was not acceptable and I had to act a particular way to be liked and accepted. I have always been addicted to external validation and the belief that I was TOO MUCH exacerbated my people pleasing behaviours.

The worst part of my experience was that it was not only my romantic partners that said things that made me feel like there was something wrong with me, I have had so many friends who have also confirmed this belief.

These toxic thoughts took up residence inside my mind, my heart, and my soul.

I stopped believing I was worthy of love and friendship. People could tolerate me for a short time, but then my TOO MUCHNESS would overwhelm them and the relationship would end.

It wasn't until my last romantic breakup where I promised myself to not date for awhile so I could get comfortable in my own skin that I gained some insight into my negative mindset. The more time I spent being single, the more I noticed my pattern of feelings of unworthiness. I decided to do some deep work on self-love and confront these feelings. I have been doing a lot of deep reflection through journalling, sharing with friends, tarot readings, and so much more. It became very clear to me that I want to share this healing journey with other women who share these feelings.

This is where the idea for the Society of Too Much Women was born. I need to connect with other women who share these feelings of not belonging in this world. Women who invest so much time and energy protecting other people's feelings deserve to focus on themselves in a supportive circle of women who can relate. I want to create a safe space where we can all be ourselves - respectful of others, and heal.

I am hosting a FREE Full Moon Zoom Gathering on Wed June 11th at 8pm EST to introduce The Society of Too Much Women. Join us to hear about the resources I am offering, the events I am planning, and meet others on healing journeys.

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/1376340253749?aff=oddtdtcreator